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Do What You Need to Do

October 10th, 2006 at 07:34 pm

Being gone for a couple weeks shed some light on some differences between me and My Guy.

When I came home, the pre-compost-tub held exactly what I had last tossed in it, and no more. The tin can recycling bag held one lone bottle.

Well, huh. Clearly my habits had not rubbed off on himÖ..in eight years.

And then I was told by this guy, My Guy, that he had thought my Challenge did have an impact on him, because perhaps he didnít go out enough.

Huh.

Sometimes we might think that we are on the same wavelength, and surprise, surprise, we arenít. But hereís how Iím looking at it. There is nothing he does that prevents me from composting or recycling. Normally when Iím around heíll put recycling by the sink, and I rinse or swish or sort. Not a biggie. He sometimes composts when Iím around; sometimes I pull the coffee filter or some egg shells off the garbage, which is literally right next to the pre-compost tub. Again, no biggie.

On to going out. This means going out to eat; we donít go dancing or to clubs or movies or whatever; maybe a street fair now and then. Now, we are independent folk. I say: Go Out, young man. I do not have any problem with My Guy spending his money on whatever. Itís a benefit of having separate money. Sometimes this benefits him; when he took off work a few months, I was absolutely fine with it; it didnít affect my savings, and him living off his savings as an extended vacation by choice was absolutely what he wanted to do.

So Iíll encourage him to Go Out more, with friends, his sister, whatever. I still hold that many of the dinners we ate out were more out of laziness than a desire to eat Out. And Iíll look out for ways to make at home dinner feel more Out. (His hints about our ďpeasant foodĒ should have been more of an inspiration to cook it up.)

I donít really prevent him from Going Out, even though I affect it some. He doesnít help compost and recycle, but he doesnít make it difficult for me to do so. We could spend a lot of time trying to convert each other, but heck, Iím not interested. If I can go out to eat twice a month while on My Challenge, Iíll go ahead and pull egg shells out of the garbage.

(He didnít hang laundry on the line once. I havenít gotten the electric bill, so Iím still calm about that.)

You donít have to convert someone to do what you need to do. Nice.

4 Responses to “Do What You Need to Do”

  1. Gruntina Says:

    Its nice to see that you do not allow yourself to have "buttons" that your DH can push. What is your secret to having a mindset that each is individual person without going crazy or not resenting each other? Do you remind yourself that you are you and he is he? I am not yet married but will someday soon. I am learning more of my partner each day and itís been a wonderful process but some of our differences are appearing and so far we are calm but I wonder for future.

  2. baselle Says:

    My accounts are separate from my DH, too. Its very calming. My guy will recycle, kinda, but somehow rinsing yogurt cups (why?) and dishes make it into the sink and never to come out again, even though the dishwasher is right next to the sink and the recycle bin is a light toss away.

  3. PRICEPLUS Says:

    Separate accounts can be a blessing as I am finding out. I have to say that I sometimes leave dishes in the sink for "later". I am great about the recycling though!Smile

  4. Jane Says:

    Twenty-eight years married and I totally agree with you. Trying to convert one's significant other is not necessary. We got together in the first place because we wanted to be together, not because we wanted to be alike. How boring he'd be after all these years if he had the same priorities and habits that I do! We hammer out and agree on the stuff that we have to, the things that form the framework of our lives (and we do combine money, which is good since I've been a non-wage-earning homemaker since our first son was born 27 years ago) and then we appreciate the differences we have. His strengths are not the same as mine or vice versa and we find that between the two of us we manage to do whatever we need to. Viva la difference!

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