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A Loss

January 17th, 2007 at 07:11 pm

I found out today that a woman I work with died on Thursday night. She was alone in her yard, no one at all knew until Friday. J痴 desk was six feet from mine. J was a very gentle, very kind woman. She shared my frugal interests: her Christmas present to me was an empty square tissue box, which she knows I use to put TP in, modified for me. She had lifted the flaps and put Velcro there, so I had an easily reusable tissue holder. It was a funny, sweet, humorous, unique, and very thoughtful gift; all attributes that she herself had.

I知 just in a funky, mad headspace. Mad that she died. Mad that she died out in her yard, and was there all night-worried that she may have been cold, or scared, or lonely as she died. Worried about her partner. Mad at how young she was-somewhere in the early fifties. Mad that I came in today and her space was cleared out; I was out of town and felt among the last to know.

I致e had a lot of death in my life, but most of it was from folks dying of illness. As sad as watching someone die is, at least I always got to say goodbye. I知 mad I couldn稚 say goodbye. I値l really miss her.

After being a snappy, cranky, touchy fiend tonight, I値l crawl in bed, hunker down, and face an altered world tomorrow. I値l remind myself, again, to be grateful, to tell those I care about that I知 fond of them, to make sure I do my best to live fully. I値l do these things so that if I am unlucky enough to die so young, that I値l have a lot of warm memories and loved ones to mourn me, not just a healthy bank account and a tidy house.

16 Responses to “A Loss”

  1. Bookie Says:

    I'm sorry. That's so hard to process. I've had my share of those losses, the people who are part of your life -- until they aren't any more. And you have to come, somehow, to terms with the going. So hard to process.

    BW

  2. contrary1 Says:

    That was rotten news to come back to. As I get older, I'm getting more practice at letting go when people I know die. Each time, you're right........is a chance to renew ones attitude of gratitude and re arrange ones priorities so if today is our last........at least it will be lived the way we choose.

    Take care & enjoy the positive memories of your friend.

  3. Amber Says:

    I am sorry to hear about your lost, please feel better and I know how you feel. I lost my SIL two years ago two days before X-mas, it's hard. Again I am very sorry

  4. threebeansalad Says:

    I'm sure this is tough news to process. My sympathies.

  5. carol Says:

    What awful news to come back to!! I'm so sorry. Please feel better soon.

  6. boomeyers Says:

    I'm sorry you lost your friend and that it came as such a shock! It's okay, feel as fiendish as you need to!

  7. denisentexas Says:

    I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend and coworker. You have my condolences.

  8. LuckyRobin Says:

    I'm sorry for you loss.

  9. rduell Says:

    I'm sorry. That is so sad.

  10. Ima saver Says:

    My sympathies also.

  11. JanH Says:

    So sorry for the loss of your friend. Sounds like she left a legacy of love and friendship.

  12. fern Says:

    So sorry about your friend, but even in your grief you have a wonderful attitude. As i get older too, i try to appreciate and enjoy the people i am with and live in the moment, because none of us knows how much time we have here.

    All of us are working very hard at planning for tomorrow, but i also feel we must live for today.

  13. fairy74 Says:

    My sympathy on losing your friend

  14. DivaJen Says:

    I'm sorry for your loss. Frown Thank you for sharing this thought:

    "I値l remind myself, again, to be grateful, to tell those I care about that I知 fond of them, to make sure I do my best to live fully. I値l do these things so that if I am unlucky enough to die so young, that I値l have a lot of warm memories and loved ones to mourn me, not just a healthy bank account and a tidy house."

  15. jodi Says:

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost a coworker and good friend last Easter in a drowning accident. There will be lots of little memories that pop up when you least expect it. I try to remember all the laughs we shared and positive attributes he brought to our workplace whenever I get too sad. My thoughts are with you.

  16. debtfreeme Says:

    i am so sorry for the loss of your friend and colleague.

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